10 Months as a Family of Three!

Danner is 9 months today! (well he was when I started writing this...)

Seeing as I have not written anything since his birth story, let's play catch up! Here's a little about what life is like being a family of three!!

First 2 Weeks

Favorite Moment: Holding my precious newborn baby. Every mom will tell you there is nothing like a brand new baby. Pure innocence, perfection, and they are completely dependent and looking towards you, their mommy. .... Best thing ever, being a mommy. I thought I knew what being a mom might feel like; how much love I could feel for someone. But nope. I had no idea.

Hardest Thing: Not feeling great whilst learning how to be a mom. Don't you wish healing "down there" (as we like to call it) would take 2 seconds and then you could just focus on learning to be a mom? Will it unfortunately takes a lot longer. If any of you soon to be new moms want to chat about postpartum-ness, I am an open book, and would love to tell you things that I didn't know before they happened!

Something unique about Danner: We could tell he was a very happy baby, so very sweet and content. He made the cutest noises after he sneezed, and he LOVEd being burped as shown above (would sometimes fall asleep haha).

Something unique about this time or place: As you can see from some of the pics, it was FREEZING in Vancouver. One of the coldest Vancouver had seen in awhile, and the only way to keep warm was the fireplace! Cohan is the man and acquired a ton of wood for us. And also made money off of buying more for cheap and selling it for more! Which was a huge blessing because at this moment in time we had no job! See, the MAN.

Lesson Learned: Even though I was so tired, and in pain, and taking care of a newborn is hard work, and yeah I got stressed, but I never felt upset towards Danner. None of this was his "fault" and I was amazed how I never felt annoyed at what I had to do. You find the energy to do all you need to do because Danner NEEDS YOU TO. So you do. There never was an if, or should I, you just do.

Weeks 3-4

Favorite Moments: 
~ Danner's baby blessing. If you don't know what that is, a baby blessing is a priesthood blessing (a kind of prayer) that Cohan (with uncles and grandpas surrounding) gave Danner, giving him his name and also blessing him with good wishes for his life. Cohan hardly ever cries, and he did as he spoke words to our son, telling him to be a righteous leader to his coming siblings and seek the Heavenly Father's guidance in his life, and that he one day will serve a mission for the Lord and get married in the temple :).
 ~ Getting a Four Generation Picture with Grandpa Fish :)
~ Danner's First Christmas!

Hardest Thing: Trying to keep up with family fun with the demanding schedule of a new baby. All the Fishes were home for Christmas, and Fishes go go go, and we wanted to too, but it was very hard on me, and I know I was hard on myself, trying to make it all work with nursing Danner all the time and not making everyone late and holding everyone up and stopping and stressing, and oh dandy oh. Danner is the first grandbaby on the Fish side, so we were all learning.

Something unique about Danner: Well he is an absolute champ. His mommy stressed with the crazy christmas schedule, but man did he ever stay happy and perfect. He had many of his firsts these two weeks! First outdoor outing, went bowling, went to the Portland Zoo Lights, First Hike

Something unique about this time or place: Well as you can see, A TON happened in two weeks haha. We also started cloth diapers sometime around here (let me know if you wanna here about that! still doin um!).

Lesson Learned: New moms: breathe. New Dads: take on some of your wife's burden of worry. Together: do whatever your sweet child needs but you can do other stuff! And try not to stress too much! Because you will stress. But know that if you just try your best, your baby will be ok.

Month 2 (jan)

Favorite Memory: This -->

And this! I finally caught his "after sneezing sound" after a million tries!

Hardest Thing: Getting out of the house on my own with Danner. It took me like a half hour to get out the door! (ok it still takes me that long sometimes)

New discovery about Danner: He was very strong, had really good head control really early.

Danner's Milestones: First Smile (5 Weeks, picture-->), Rolled Over from Tummy to Back (7 Weeks, pictured-->)

Something significant about this time or place: Cohan started a landscape business with his Dad! Shovel & Thumb! check um out! http://www.shovelandthumb.com/. The boys went hunting (not Danner, this time), and we took a trip to the beach house! (in Ocean Park) and went clamming (first for all)!

Lesson Learned: Getting "your body back" takes patience and LOTS of hard work (especially for me when I like to dance for exercise and there was no avenue to dance and so that meant working out like everybody else...boring...but I'm learning to love!)

Month 3 (feb)

Favorite Moment: Sledding with Danner on his first snow encounter. Yes he actually went down with Cohan despite my protests at first. And good thing he went with Cohan and not me, I went all over the place and into a ditch more than once. Danner loved it and on his last run he was asleep by the end of the hill.

Hardest Thing: Money

Something unique about Danner: He was such a good sleeper in the car! We went on the first long road trip to Sun Valley (8 hours), and then Seattle (3 hours) and he pretty much slept the whole time both trips. Also, He doesn't like to be swaddled anymore, or rather he likes his arms to be free when he sleeps.

Something significant about this time or place: ~Lots of trips! Sun Valley ~Dad got to ski!, Danner skied with Dad for 2 seconds; Seattle ~Danner met his Great Grandpa Nash. And his Aunt Buddy! ~Oh I got to teach an Indian dance to the young women of our ward, that was a lot of fun :).

Lesson Learned: Faith and trust in the Lord. With starting a business and just having a baby, money was very tight. But you just pay your tithing, and trust that everything is going to be ok. That's when miracles happen! Big or small.

Month 4 (march)

Favorite Memory: Going to Danner's store! No really, his store. That's where his name comes from, Danner boots :).

Hardest Thing: Feelin the "I just stay at home all day" mommy blues. I call our basement the bat cave.

New discovery about Danner: Oh what a smiley boy! He is the cutest ever in the entire world. The end :).

Danner's Milestones: He was really good at tummy time & mini pushups no problem

Something significant about this time or place: Helped Grandpa Nash with yard work, well Cohan used his master skills, I mostly watched Danner.

Lesson Learned: It takes work to be productive when you don't have anything to do. I love being a Mom, that is of course fulfilling, but not being involved in anything else was really tough. No school, no dance. It was hard to motivate myself to try and "do something more". And so I really had to actively motivate myself. This comes easier to others, like my husband, but it is harder for me.

Month 5 (april)

Favorite Memory: ~Danner getting to meet dear friends in Utah for the first time. Caitie & Adam, Hales & Daniel, Cody, Nikki & Joel, Christina. ~This moment. Only time I ever took a nap with Danner. Just on my chest. It was one of the most special sweetest moments ever! -->
Hardest Thing: Danner's growing too fast! Stay little forever!
New discovery about Danner: His favorite toy is Sophie the giraffe (thanks Aunt Nikki), he LOVES people and loves to talk. Now he likes to sleep on his tummy (freaked me out the first few nights)
Danner's Milestones: Rolled from the Back to the Tummy (4 months, pictured below)

Something significant about this time or place: Uncle Brodie graduated and Danner had his first plane ride to get there! We also saw President Uchtdorf super close up and he waved to us :). We also took a trip to the beach house and Seaside where we spent most of the time trying to catch up with the rest of the family and Danner kept needing a diaper change and needing to eat and we kept getting lost haha

Lesson Learned: The Lord is mindful of us. I was asked to choreograph a dance number for our church's Regional Youth Music Festival! It was just what I needed, something for me, well it wasn't for me, it was for the kids, but I love to teach and I love to choreograph, and I just needed something else in my life to work on.

Danner watched his first General Conference! Cohan and I have started a new tradition where we pick out "gems" from conference, or points that made an impression on us. I made a cute word doc and printed them up and taped them to our bathroom mirror so we could remind ourselves of the things we learned and need to be applying. Here's our gems!:

~ Where you put your treasure, there will your heart be also
~ Faith is the cure for fear
~ A load can get us where we need to go
~ Anchor, build your life on the rock of Christ. Become deeply rooted in His gospel.
~ Blame keeps wounds open, forgiveness heals
~ Ask yourself, "Is love at the root of what I am about to say or do?"
~ We are eternal beings, struggles are not endings, but only pauses
~ This life is a four minute performance

(sorry I do not have the references, some are direct quotes some are thoughts of ours from the talks)
Here is a link to the April 2014 General Conference talks: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/sessions/2014/04?lang=eng

Month 6 (may)

Favorite Memory: ~Seeing Cirque de Solei. Human beings can do amazing things. It had been a long time since I had seen such talent, and art, the show was so well done. I would love to create a show like that one day, man....
~Sitting by the poolside with my husband and son looking at a beautiful view of Hawaii. 

~AND getting surprised by my Legacy girls (he girls I used to teach in Utah). They made a dance for me, called, Emily's Legacy. I cried. hard.
Hardest Thing: Some plane rides were a doozy. Traveling by myself was hard-oso!
New discovery about Danner: He is super aware of everything and just loves to go to new places
Danner's Milestones: Rolls Around the Room to get places (5 months 2 weeks), Got into Crawl Position on his own (5 months 4 weeks)
Something significant about this time or place: Went to Kona Hawaii! Wow what a blast. First

vacation with a baby. Danner did great, it of course took some stretching on our part, but we had a lot of fun. Turtles! And Cohan got to scuba dive he LOVES it, and it was just perfect weather. ~I traveled by myself to Utah to see my old dance studio's recital, and also got to visit my dear friends. ~Kelsey got to meet Danner for the first time. ~Oh I turned 24! And had my first Mother's Day!
~Great Grandpa Fish passed away May 28, 2014. He passed so suddenly, it was so sad. It happened while I was away. He had a heart attack and then declined very quickly, over the course of a few days. Cohan's Mom and Dad were able to drive down to them and say bye to their beloved Father.

Lesson Learned: Heavenly Father loves me. I have a wonderful family. What more could I ask for? Also, after seeing my old dance studio, and seeing my girls again, and then leaving again, I just was even more grateful than I have ever been for my time with Legacy Dance Studio. I feel so blessed to have had that experience. I am so grateful Heavenly Father let me be apart of those girls' lives. Love you long time. (something we all say to each other)

Month 7 (june)

Favorite Memory: These two moments

Hardest Thing: Danner started to get super fussy whenever he nursed. And I love nursing but then all of a sudden nursing grew frustrating because Danner would get so upset. Danner went for his 6 month check up (but it was when he was almost 7 months) and the doc said she was worried about his weight because he had dropped percentiles. She didn't explain very much and just said i needed to supplement. BOOM. It felt like, "you are a horrible mother," to me. So then I proceeded to stress over trying to feed him enough, and the rest comes next month.

New discovery about Danner: He actually loves going shopping. He smiles and talks (loudly) to everyone who walks by. And they always LOVE him. I love going shopping because he just makes everyone's day! He loves animals. The Fishes have dogs and a cat, and he FREAKS out everytime he sees them. (When Danner freaks out, its a good thing. He is very loud when he is happy)

Danner's Milestones: First Solids (6 months 1 week), First time really playing with toys (6 months, 2 weeks),  Scoots to get what he wants (6 months 2 weeks), First crawl step! (6 months 3 weeks)

Something significant about this time or place: ~Grandpa Fish's funeral was June 13, 2013. The funeral was lovely, especially the things that Dad Fish said. It was also a Catholic mass, which was my first. I didn't know Grandpa Fish for too long, but I'm sure glad I did know him. He raised an amazing man who then raised another amazing man, who became my husband. And now we have Danner. Living on the Fish family name! I only hope we can raise Danner to be as good as the legacy of Fish boys. Thanks for setting an example for me Grandpa Fish!

~My mom also came to visit us in Vancouver which was very kind. We love visitors! ~We saw Bailey's first dance recital! She is the best dancin bunny! ~And The Youth Regional Music Festival happened! Oh it was just a beautiful performance. The spirit was so strong as hundreds of youth sang together. My dancers did just wonderful. It was a pleasure to work with them. I'm sad it's over.

~We also began looking for houses to buy! It's about time! We were interested in getting a duplex, to rent out half, like we did in provo. We found one we liked! And made an offer, they countered, and we went under contract! ~Oh and Cohan had his first Father's Day!

Lesson Learned: As babies grow, they change. They go through different stages. I obviously knew this before, I mean this seems obvious right?, but I just got so comfortable with the way things were that when things got difficult with nursing, I stressed out. Just know that they are constantly changing and so patience and flexibility and a sense of humor are invaluable to get through unexpected and unanticipated things. Oh and of course, sticking close to the spirit. We just try our best and lean on Heavenly Father and He will show us what we need to do. After all, HE is the ONLY perfect parent.

Month 8 (july)

Favorite Memory: ~Danner getting to meet Aunt Kaitlyn! Meeting Danner's cousin Jett for the first time and reconnecting and playing with his other cousins! ~Goin to the Rodeo on 4th of July!

Hardest Thing: ~The Duplex. So through a long process of waiting for the duplex remodel to be completed and getting the inspection, and there being lots of problems, and then they opted to fix some things we asked, and them doing a horrible and I mean horrible job, we decided to pull out. This was very difficult for me because I was SOOO ready to move. I of course had been planning on how I would decorate and organize and use the space, and we were just so ready to have our own place again. The decision was also made while I was at my Nash Family Reunion and Cohan was still in Vancouver. Just difficult.

~Being a "single mom" at the Nash Reunion when Cohan was not present. I've done it several times when I have visited Seattle on my own, and going to Utah. But this one was a doozy. Trying to feed him enough was a huge part. As I said before, I was supposed to be supplementing as well as nursing, and I tried to pump before we left for all the reunions but I really wasn't able to do it enough, it just took SO MUCH TIME (the pump I had wasn't that great and at the time it took me 30 min), and I would have had to do NOTHING else in order to have enough for all day, because I would nurse him, bottle feed and feed him solids, and then pumping on top of that, and then we were out of town, so pumping kinda went out the window, and of course I was feeling bad for using formula because of course breast is best and formula costs money, but the pumping was just too much for me to handle.

New discovery about Danner: Loves to make sounds, always has with his voice but now will make noise with cups and blocks. LOVES animals. Loves the dogs and Rubber (the Mom and Dad Fishes' cat).

Danner's Milestones: Pulling himself up on furniture (7 months 1 week), Easily transitioning from crawling to sitting (7 months 3 weeks), First time crawling up a step! (Almost 8 months)

Something significant about this time or place: ~Cohan's birthday! 29! yikes! ;)

~Heppler Family Reunion! Danner's first, and also first time camping! Danner was the only great-grandchild! Totally different for me! But we had tons of fun and ate lots of yummy food.

~I got a perm! Fulfilled my curly hair dream.

~Nash Family Reunion! Out family has grown HUGE. TONS of great-grandchildren runnin around :)

Lesson Learned: Oh it was a work in progress. Let's just say I just decided NOT to think about not having a house and just indulged in spending time with family. The lesson I was learning and needed to learn will be discussed next month...

Danner being "low percentile" and having to supplement was really hard on me and really stressed me out as you can see from above. It took me awhile to realize that I needed to stop stressing and just get a routine down and do the best I could. I also learned to trust myself, that "mommy sense" thing is real. I am his mommy and of course I need guidance from docs and such but I really know best. I know my child. Please if you ever experience this with your child, please come talk to me and we can have a chat. Numbers are useful but they're not everything. Husbands, be very understanding to your wife is she has struggles with breastfeeding, supply or caring for her baby in general. We feel this need to care and nourish our baby very deeply. Kinda like how deeply you feel the role to provide and protect your family. It something Cohan and I are constantly learning, to take the time to understand how the other spouse is feeling, to see it from inside their heart or mind. Something that's no big deal to you could be a big deal to them. Always take a moment before you speak to respond with love.

Month 9 (august)

Favorite Memory: Being with my family, all of us together. Playing, competing in Olympics, enjoying a home surround sound theatre, and makin the first cousin movie, and family music video! (We had our first Alan and Julie Dance Family Reunion!)

Hardest Thing: ~Not moving.

~We had a very scary accident happen at our Dance Family Reunion. Our sweet Bailey fell out of a tall 2 story window. It was a very traumatic experience. But was also a very faith promoting and miraculous experience. Bailey really should not have survived or should have been severely injured. But she came away with only a broken foot, badly bruised and scrapped face, and a broken cheek bone I think it was. It was truly a modern day miracle. This is not the place to share all my feelings at details about the event, but I do want to say that miracles still happen! Real miracles. The Lord is in our lives, he is watchful. He sent angels to catch our Bailey :).

New discovery about Danner:  ~Loves his cousins. Special love for his girly cousins. ~Waves hi to everyone, bye and goodnight!

Danner's Milestones: Climbed a set of stairs (8 months 2 weeks) Claps now! And gives hi-fives! (perfected both sometime during the month)

Something significant about this time or place: ~Finished the Nash reunion, Cohan got there half way through yay! ~First Alan & Julie Dance Family Reunion in Leavenworth ~Gillihan Family Reunion (Grandma Fish's side) ~I sought out a dance studio here in Vancouver, called Dayley Dance Academy, interviewed and auditioned,  and got the job! I'm gonna teach again!!!!

~Kels got married! ~Cohan's cousin, Adrienne got married! ~Went to my cousins Jake & Maria's Reception in Seattle. ~We started house hunting again! This time single family homes.

Lesson Learned: ~Be happy now, not happy "when... " This is that work in progress I was talking about. Because I was so set on moving, and made so many plans in advance, I was constantly thinking, "oh this will be so much better when we have our own place", "oh I can't wait till we have our own place". It's ok to look forward to something but it should not consume our here and now. Because once that something comes, there will always be more trials! So then what? We are just never happy? President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave an amazing talk on what I have been trying to learn and instill in myself. It is not easy. The talk is entitled, "Grateful in Any Circumstances". I highly recommend you read/re-read this talk. Here is the link Amazing talk on gratitude, it will change your life.

~Through Bailey's accident and the aftermath, the priorities in my life came better into view. Isn't it amazing that even though something so horrible happened, good can come from it. This is the Lord's way. I saw my family come together in a way I never have. When something like this happens it reminds us of what is important. It pushes away all those seemingly huge stresses in our lives and we are left with the greatest gifts God has given us. Family. Family and our loved ones are really all that matters. They are the reason we are here! Nothing is more important than cultivating our relationships and serving others.

And so on to Month 10! (sept...)

Favorite moments so far... petting a DEER! I love deer and think they are majestic creatures of grace and beauty and I GOT TO PET ONE!!!!

We put another offer in on a house! This time its a single family home. It is amazing. It is an older home remodeled, so its new but has that old wonderful charm. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms (master bath! ekkk!), .25 acres, and it is just so... us. We are very close to closing. I have been learning patience as there have been so many bumps we have encountered on this whole journey to have our own place again, and the light is getting brighter at the end of the tunnel, but with homes and loans, it is not done till it's done. Our close date has changed... 6 times?... And so I am trying to live with gratitude. Because really, I am in want of nothing. I have everything. I have a hard working dedicated husband, an amazing beautiful son, and we have family around us who love us and support us. And I got to pet a deer, and we live in such a beautiful state where the weather has just been so perfect this summer! Man isn't my life great? Yes it is :)

Here is a blurb from President Uchtdorf's talk because I just can't say it any better:

When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation. In grief, we can still lift up our hearts in praise. In pain, we can glory in Christ’s Atonement. In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven’s embrace.

We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?

Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges.

This is not a gratitude of the lips but of the soul. It is a gratitude that heals the heart and expands the mind.

Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see but which are true.⁸By being grateful, we follow the example of our beloved Savior, who said, “Not my will, but thine, be done.”⁹

True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will.

In any circumstance, our sense of gratitude is nourished by the many and sacred truths we do know: that our Father has given His children the great plan of happiness; that through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ, we can live forever with our loved ones; that in the end, we will have glorious, perfect, and immortal bodies, unburdened by sickness or disability; and that our tears of sadness and loss will be replaced with an abundance of happiness and joy, “good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over.”

(so it took me forever and half to post this, Danner is now 10 1/2 months, because I started teaching, and well...... WE MOVED!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So! There will be another post about the move and OUR NEW HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ekkkk!!!!! be excited :) :) :) :) :) I AM!)

Danner's Birth Story: Finding my Strength

Danner’s Birth Story:

Finding My Strength

            As a preface to my story I must tell you about the preparation I did for giving birth and why I chose Hypnobabies. I also must tell you that this is a very long and detailed story. I’m not afraid to tell it like it is, so if you don’t want details of giving birth, then don’t read. But then you’d be missing out ;).

All my life I was afraid of giving birth. My mother, superwoman, had 6 children, all natural. As a young girl, teenager, I always thought, uh how could you do that natural, uh doesn’t that hurt so bad??? I also thought I was allergic to pain. After I got married and Cohan and I talked about starting our family, I began to realize that my view of giving birth was not right. I did not like that I feared it so much. Before I got pregnant, I had two friends at BYU, Katrina and Kana, participate in a hypno-birthing program called, Hypnobabies. Yet another pregnant friend, Jessica (them folkers! aka. folk dancers) also became interested in the program. It was obviously a natural birth preparation but they were so passionate about it, I thought I should check it out.

So what is hypnobabies? It uses hypnosis to reprogram the mind to think of birth in a positive   

way. It teaches you self-hypnosis and how to create a natural anesthesia for your body so that what you feel is pressure and stretching but not pain (that was brief, please see their website, links are at the bottom of the post). You can take a 6 week class, or a 5 week self-study course. I chose the later. The program involved reading from a manual weekly, and listening to recorded tracks and practicing techniques on my own, daily.

In America, we are kinda bombarded with negative images of giving birth our whole lives. You know, screaming and screeching women on tv or movies. I certainly felt that way. So some women expect birth to be excruciating, and so it is. But in some other countries women are all, working in the fields, popa-squat, have a baby, go back to work, no big deal. How is that possible? Well they were never told it was supposed to be painful. Our minds are incredibly powerful.

Fear is a negative use of that power. So what if we used that power to turn around and say hey, giving birth is beautiful wonderful and amazing, our bodies are amazing, it doesn’t have to be painful! The hypnobabies program helps you do this. Women’s bodies are built to and know how to give birth. We need to trust in this beautiful natural process and therefore it need not be feared nor painful.

But was it really possible for it not to hurt? I kept reading on the website, their research and positive hypno-birthing experiences. I read Katrina’s birthing story  using hypnobabies (inspiring), had many discussions with Jessica, and just loved how positive they were about giving birth. Plus, everything they were saying made such sense, why doesn't everyone talk about giving birth this way?? And so ultimately I decided to do it! And I also decided to do a water birth! (warm water, giant cushy bathtub? hello, yes).

You might be thinking, aren’t you being ignorant of things that could go wrong with all your happy talk? Oh no, I believe so strongly (and so does Hypnobabies) that women need to make educated decisions in pregnancy and childbirth. This means taking the time to learn! Women should know what their body is doing, the warning signs if anything is wrong, the effects of the various types of medical intervention and the effects of no intervention. I learned a TON, from hypnobabies and my own research. I loved it. And this is why I chose low to no medical intervention, because my body knows what to do! And does best without interference! Cohan and I made educated decisions together (He had reading to do too!). You might be thinking now, so what if?... Honestly, you can what if all day (and I used to be that person), but if that is all you focus on, then that will become your reality! This doesn’t mean that I hate modern medicine, quite the contrary. It actually allows me to give birth naturally with so much more confidence and safety. If we encountered a bump in the road, of course we would do whatever was necessary for the safety of our child. My philosophy is plan for the best, and then with faith take one step at a time .

Doing the Hypnobabies program was the best thing for me. When I decided to go forward I was still doubtful (I am an extremely cautious and slow decision maker), but I told Heavenly Father that I was going to go for this 110% and so I needed him to help me do it. I knew this would be a challenge, that it would require faith. That is what I needed. By the time my due date neared, I can honestly say that I no longer feared giving birth. This was an incredible feeling. A huge weight had been lifted. I was filled with excitement, peace, and a few nerves, but no fear. And so, here we go… 

9:00 AM

It was Thanksgiving Day and I was just getting up in anticipation for ALL my family coming into town. It being Thursday Nov. 28, and my due date was Monday Nov. 25, all my siblings who flew into Seattle were driving down to Vancouver to be with Cohan and I for Thanksgiving (because of course we did not want to travel up to Seattle and be 3 hours from our hospital). I was so very grateful that my family was willing to do this, so SO grateful. Family time means so much to me, and I know my family sacrificed much to be there.

So of course when I woke up, I went to the bathroom. I either called my mom or she called me while I was on the toilet (don’t tell me you’ve never done that) and when I stood up I said, “oh, I just had a bloody show mom”. My heart made a great leap. And I’m not using a clique phrase, I’m a dancer, and it really did a leap. And it wasn’t a nervous leap, it was an excited leap surprisingly. My mom and I proceeded to talk about what this meant, I could have the baby tonight, tomorrow, it was just another sign that my body was preparing. As I got ready, of course I get calls from my sisters, who had talked to my mom on the phone and wanted to hear about the little bloody show.

12:00 PM (ish)

Soon my family started to arrive.  I’m not even sure what I was doing, getting ready I suppose, but I remember the first contraction I had was in the bathroom. I felt the tugging hardening (or hugging, I like to call it) that I had felt with Braxton hicks, but it was a little bit stronger and I felt it in my back more. I didn’t think too much of the first one. With the third one, I said something to my mom. She told me I should start timing them. I timed the first one at 1:15 pm. When I told Megan that I thought I was having contractions she looked at me and said, “You’re in labor I can tell”. “You’re gonna have this baby I just know it! “ As everyone was bustling around our basement I honestly didn’t really know if it was going to happen that night. I kept track of contractions with my prego app, and slowly told others that I was having contractions. When they started getting a little closer together, around 10 min and lasting a little longer, I told Cohan that he should stay near me and I handed my phone to him to keep track. Everyone was still movin around, finishing cooking, preparing, chatting, playing with kids, soothing kids, and I was having contractions! I just really couldn’t believe it! I had been doing a lot of visualizing of what I wanted my birthing time to be like and I really never imagined that it would happen exactly when all of my family was there, literally in front of their eyes! And on thanksgiving!

3:00 (ish)

People start heading to the church building for final set up and when my mom leaves she suggests we bring our hospital bags with us to the church (Thanksgiving dinner would be at a church building, the only place big enough for 14 adults and 10, soon to be 11 children). At this point I was feeling a little anxious slash disappointed that I was not really using my hypno techniques. Like I said, I had not imagined all my family there, and it was hard for me to tare myself away from them. Expressing this to Cohan he said why don’t you just lay down in our room and relax.

I laid down and relaxed my whole body (switch off). Cohan soon came in to tell me that everyone had left for the church. I was still unsure at this point if it was going to happen “tonight” so I was unsure if I should put my light switch in the center, to stay in hypnosis.

(Quick Note. This light switch is a hypnobabies technique to put myself into hypnosis. I created a mental light switch at the back of my neck, that when in the “off position”, shuts down all my muscles, creating total relaxation and hypno-anesthesia throughout my whole body, and when in the center position, the anesthesia and relaxation in still there but I can move around and talk if I wish)

I switched to the center and we drove to the church! (I was very glad later that I took the time to do this). The drive to the church wasn’t bad, I was able to relax. Getting to the church I got to see my brother Brent and Andy and Nash and meet Beau (their newest son) for the first time! Contractions were getting closer together but not totally consistent.  We brought my birthing ball (exercise ball), and at first I sat on that at the table with a bunch of pillows, which was comfortable because I love my birthing ball, but I couldn’t really relax, my weight wasn’t supported enough.  Everyone else was moving about, finishing preparing food, asking me how I was doing, setting out food, passing with looks of concern and love, stopping and staring at me, and so on :). Birthing ball was not working so Cohan gets a chair sofa thing. That worked, only a little better. Every time a birthing wave (hypnobabies lingo for contraction) comes, I close my eyes, relax and say “peace” to myself, sending light and anesthesia to my belly and back. I start getting a little frustrated with myself because I can’t fully relax. And I hadn’t even listened to any of my hypno tracks yet! But I wanted to be with my family so I didn’t want to leave, which I knew would need to happen if I wanted to fully relax. (Because I’m not in a comfortable position and there’s too much going on. This is why I was glad I took the time to get into hypnosis before we left). Mel and Amanda kinda stuck around me and when I’m relaxing I can hear them saying things like, “yeah if she cant talk through them…”

All the thanksgiving goodness was soon ready to eat. Everyone sits down and begins taking turns saying what they are especially thankful for this day, while I’m having birthing waves. I mean it is just so funny to me, I open my eyes, try to listen and be engaged, then here comes a wave, I close my eyes, try to relax but still try to listen to my family at the same time. When it gets to me, I say, “I’m grateful for-“ and then man I am just overcome with this wave of gratitude, I cannot speak. I mean I really cannot speak. Normally I don’t mind showing my emotions when I talk, and being all emotional, cause I am, but every time I open my mouth to speak I feel like if I do I will go into a happy hysterical fit. Oh hormones. I even covered my face! In front of my family! (like I said, normally I would not care!) I finally just pointed to everybody and was able to say, “for coming here… and I’m thankful for my baby, who is coming as we speak”. Everyone laughed. Thanks guys.

After everyone finished someone said the prayer and Megan dished me up a “small for Emily portioned plate”. I didn’t want to eat a ton, but I was gonna have something! I believe I even got a small seconds of something. Then after I ate we decided it was probably time to go. I had stopped trying to time contractions because I did not want to deal with it. Cohan starts repacking all the gear back into the car and I stand up circled by some of my sibs. All staring, smiling :). 

Payton (my nephew) even came up to me and saw his Mom (Mel) holding and rubbing my arm and so he did the same thing to my other arm. It was so precious and sweet. Amanda asked if I felt it in my back and asked if I wanted her to push on my back, I said yes. So when a contraction came I stopped talking to everyone closed my eyes breathed and Amanda pushed on my back and rubbed it. Fabulous.  Cohan was ready to go, we were really going to the hospital? This really happening? Someone said something about getting a picture with Amanda before I was no longer prego, and so we did and then of course got pictures with Mel and Megan as well, since I love pictures.

6:00 (ish)

Now I don’t know if this was before or after pictures, but it was time to go so I wanted a priesthood blessing, of course my Dad was good at reminding me.  It was absolutely incredible. The spirit was so strong with all the priesthood in my family circling me. My husband, my father, and all of my brothers and brothers-in law. Cohan did a beautiful job. It was a blessing of comfort and strength, to carry on with faith.

On the way to the car, everybody came out with us, seeing us off like newlyweds leaving a reception! (Oh wait, they did that two years ago! Haha, my mom pointed that out later) It was so very sweet and wonderful to see all their loving faces seeing us off.

After we left the church it was go mode. It was hypno time. It was baby time! I began listening to my birthing guide stage one track (which guides me deeper into hypnosis and gives me cues to help my body open and be ready to give birth). This felt so great to just listen, relax, focus (despite the fact that I was in a bumpy car). I’m probably the only woman in labor to actually enjoy her ride to the hospital. Although I did notice that it seemed we only went over large bumps when I was in the middle of a birthing wave haha. When we get to the hospital I was enjoying what I was doing so much that I didn’t really want to go in. Cohan tried to ask me if I wanted to go inside but I just kinda kept saying I don’t know, and so Cohan said ok we’ll get gas and come back. And of course my sweet mother is there right with us. We go get gas and come back, I still don’t want to go in. Poor Cohan is trying to figure out what I want to do but I don’t say much, because I’m so focused and I just want to relax. Finally I know I need to speak up so I’m kinda like, “well I like what I’m doing and going into the hospital will just disrupt “. I ask my mom advice, I didn’t really want to be sent home, but she said something that made me feel better about going in. Mother's touch.

We walk in; I can’t believe we’re there.  I’m pretty much smiling and chuckling that we’re there, especially when Cohan says something like, “uh she’s in labor”, or “we’re having a baby”, when the lady at the desk just stares at us like, what are you here for? Obviously! Havin a baby! Well I guess obviously not, I am pretty calm. In fact Cohan says that the nurses didn’t think that I was going to be staying. On to triage!

Triage, yuck. The dreaded bed. The nurse lady was very nice though. She checks me and I relax of course. She apologizes because she starts really goin all around aggressively because she can’t seem to find my cervix. He was so low and my cervix was so thin that she thought I was at a 9! But I wasn’t. But a 5! I was definitely staying. She gives me a saline lock and tells me they are filling up my birthing pool as I am getting the antibiotics (this is because I am GBS positive). The whole time in triage Cohan and my Mom keep asking me what I need and I just keep saying, to get off the bed! I keep vocalizing that I hate the bed haha, I just couldn’t get comfortable! 

The nurse tells me I’ll get my next dose of antibiotics in 4 hours, “if you make it that long, I think this baby’s coming!” Finally its time to go to the room! Do you want a hospital gown to walk to your room? Yes. Uh changing out of all my clothes was awkward, was the nurse standing there? This would be the first and last time I was self-conscious about anything that night. We walk to our room and there is my lovely birthing pool. We meet our nurse, Pam and then I’m not quite sure what to do. I think I have a few contractions standing and then I’m all, uh can I get in the birthing pool? Yes of course. Into the birthing pool I go!

7:00 (ish)

Ahhh… sublime. At last I can relax. I get one of those giant water bottles, (if you’ve never got one, you’re missing out) my mom held it, I slung over the side of the birthing pool, sipped water and said, “I feel like I’m at the spa!” It felt great. When birthing waves come I either kneel and lean over the edge with my arms or I lean back and Cohan holds me underneath my arms, supporting my weight. This helped me float in the water. Peace… light in my back and tummy. I really liked Cohan holding me up. Amazing Cohan, I gave him all my weight many times. All sides of the birthing pool, including the bottom, feel like an exercise ball, so it was super comfortable. The nurse would check the baby's heart rate every half hour or so with a portable doppler that could go in the water.
As I concentrated on opening my body and relaxing, thoughts would float across my mind and drift away, like a river. In hypnosis this is what thoughts are like, well this is how I experience them. They may come into my head but I do not focus on them, they simply float away. Very cool. I remember a few of the thoughts I had. “Man, I don’t know why more people don’t do natural, this isn’t bad at all!”. “wait, I chose this?” haha…

The midwife on call took a bit to come but oh was she just perfect and wonderful. She knew I was going natural and water birth (obviously) and asked if there was anything else I wanted to tell her about my birthing expectations. I reminded her of the hypnosis, she already knew, and I talked about wanting to breathe the baby out (more on this later), and I don’t really remember what else. She told me that she was just gonna kinda sit back unless I needed her cuz it looked like I had a good rhythm going. 

10 or 11:00 ish

I was in the tub long enough to get my second dose of antibiotics. I can stay in the water the same, they just connect a tube to my saline lock. I was super surprised when they came in because that meant it had been 4 hours. It did not feel like 4 hours (this is something hypnosis helped with, making time of no concern, making time go faster, so cool).

Honestly because I found out how long it had been, even though it didn’t feel long, it made me a little disappointed that things hadn’t picked up, that my baby wasn’t here! The nurse in triage got my hopes up. As the contractions grew closer together and more intense I began to let myself focus a little more on those floating thoughts. And my hand with the saline lock on it couldn’t go in the water so I always had to have that hand on the side of the tub. Annoying. Oh, and something you so want to hear, but I want to say it because lots of women are afraid this will happen and I say, why care?! I did go number two during this experience. Yes in the water, but it’s actually easier to clean up in the water than on the bed! They have a little fish net, and whoop! Out it goes! Please. Going number two in labor or giving birth is not something you should waste your time and energy worrying about. With all the pressure I was feeling I was not about to stop myself from relieving some of that pressure and therefore add more to it!

12:00 AM (ish)

I remember having thoughts that I wanted to listen to more hypno tracks and that I wanted Cohan to say more (there were things he could say to help me release and relax more) but I found it difficult to speak because I was putting so much effort and focus on each birthing waves and being in tune with my body. At one point I thought my water broke, I wasn’t 100% sure, I could have peed. Melissa told me to let her know when I felt the urge to push. A bit after I started feeling small urges and very close together contractions. I tried pushing on some of these. When I say try, it really was a try. After the fact I know that I really wasn’t pushing, but I had never done it before! So no biggy. I also started saying softly out loud to myself, “Open, open” trying to visualize and encourage my body to open.

I finally was able to voice that I wanted to listen to some of my tracks. I also told Cohan that I wanted him to say more, be more vocal. The contractions became very intense in my back and I realized that I had been really having back labor the whole time. But again I was so in the zone that I didn’t realize until they were really intense. I asked what I could do, my midwife told me to try certain positions to encourage the baby to turn and I also asked, or maybe she suggested, someone push on my back, that helped a ton. I think both my mom and Melissa did this, out of the corner of my eye I noticed they wore these huge gloves to stick their hands in the water. I really had to use my breath to make it through some of these overwhelming birthing waves. At some point they actually put this tape over the saline lock so I was able to put both hands in the water.

When I listened to my tracks I was able to focus better and become super relaxed. My contractions began to slow down. This was a nice break, but that meant baby was farther away. I definitely was tired and focusing more on that made me feel the weight of what I had been doing. I knew that if things didn’t pick up soon I didn’t know how much longer I could hold up. So really, listening to the track was a nice little break. When it ended I had a peaceful feeling and said,  “okay. how do we make this go faster?” Melissa told me that I was doing a good job, that she could hardly tell when I was having contractions, yay! She suggested I get out of the water, try other positions, she could check my cervix. I felt, yeah, let’s get out of the water.

They helped me out, not sure who, and right as I stepped out, both feet on the ground, BAM things accelerated. I had a small urge to push, and I’m trying to ahhh (vocally breathe) and I feel something down there, I almost thought it was his head, but it was the membrane sack cause, splash, I pushed my water out! My midwife said something about more of my water breaking, which made me think maybe my water broke earlier when I thought, or maybe I just peed and she was trying to make me feel good. Who cares, this baby is comin! Anytime I moved to try another position I had another contraction. So I mostly had birthing waves standing up, giving Cohan all my weight, which I actually loved. I tried the birthing ball, not gonna happen right now, going on the bed, yuck, I tried the squatting bar, but I was on the bed and I’m all, “I just squat on the bed?” Hated it. (I think if I were to squat on the ground, like how I gave my weight to Cohan I would have liked it) then I think my midwife asked if I wanted to be checked, yes I do, I did not even feel it, yes you are at a 10! Then she asked where I wanted to push. She said I could go back in the water or stay on the bed, she said that a good birth is not necessarily in the water. She was right, I wanted to do what was right and really the whole time tried to have a prayer in my heart of: guide me to what I need to do, what is best for me and my baby. So for some reason I felt I should stay on the bed, so I went with it, despite my disdain for the bed.

1:00 AM

Now for pushing. The urge to push really does feel exactly like you have to go number two.  I really did not want to push on my back, because maybe you didn’t know but if you are flat on your back its like pushing up hill! So I wanted to be on my side. Each time a birthing wave comes I breathe out with “ahh” opening my mouth (because when your mouth and throat is open, which is connected to your whole digestive track, so is your bottom) and pushed. I wasn’t that successful now that I look back, I mean I didn’t know what pushing really was. Meanwhile the nurse is telling me to hold my breathe and push. I ignore her. I did not want to do that. It didn’t make sense. I think I started doing a little better, I remember my midwife saying “yes when you push like that I can see his head”. They check the baby’s heart rate throughout and my midwife says his heart rate was dropping a little from the pressure of going down the birth canal. My nurse continues to tell me to hold my breath and I get annoyed and ignore her, I could tell she was a little confused why I wouldn’t listen. Then my midwife said, “Emily I know that hypnobirthing wants you to breathe and ease the baby out, take it slow, but your baby needs to come sooner”. When she said that I felt like I needed to follow their advice. So I said, “ok walk me through it”.

My nurse then told me to take a deep breath, hold it and push for 10 seconds, three times each contraction. I did this. It was exhausting. I believe I pushed into the squatting bar with one leg, or it might have been my mother, held my other leg, knee to chest, to open myself more, and Cohan pushed into my back. I squeezed the nurses hand. She went from being annoying to being my strength. It took awhile to really realize what an efficient push was. Really knowing how much I can do. Farther than I ever imagined! With Heavenly Father’s help. It was so intensely exhausting. More than anything I have ever done. Pushing myself to the absolute max. Everyone began counting with the nurse, my support team. My wonderful midwife kept saying the most wonderful thing, “This is your strength Emily”. I just loved that. To me it meant that, I can do this, I was meant and made to do this. The Lord will give me the strength. It was so incredibly motivating. And even though it was so stinkin exhausting, I liked pushing. The contractions were so strong that it felt relieving to push into the pressure.

After a while of course I was very tired and it felt like he was never coming. Apparently the heart rate monitor thing strap was broken or something because my nurse had to hold it in place on my belly (I was hardly conscious of this, I was told later). My midwife asks if I want to feel his head, and for some reason the first time she asks I don't want to, but the second time I did. It was incredible. It was just a tiny bit, about an inch, but it made everything more real, that I was not just doing this all for fun, it was for a baby! They gave me oxygen at some point because his heart rate was dropping and they wanted to make sure he was getting enough oxygen. I did not really like that thing, I took it off every once and a while to take a deep breath, sometimes I felt like I couldn’t breathe properly? Strange. 

There were a few times when I said to myself, ok he’s comin out on this push, and it didn’t happen, discouraging. And there was once when my midwife said that, it didn’t happen, discouraging. You get to a point when you just think you can’t go on. I strongly believe this is where we are meant to get, where God’s divine power and influence is so strong. I prayed that he would help me, that I could do it. My midwife asked me to feel for his head again, and this time I could feel about 3 inches of his head, and his hair! I said something like, “wow”, oh my goodness it was just so amazing. Again, more real, so motivating.

(It was amazing that pushing my baby out did not hurt, that I really just felt stretching and pressure and no tearing. This was one of my greater fears I had to concur beforehand. During my preparation I focused really hard on there being powerful anesthesia when I pushed. It was really after the fact that I realized that it worked, and I am SOO grateful.)

I knew when he was close to coming. I felt intense pressure and stretching, and by now I had figured out what this “push into the pressure” meant (this is also something my midwife would say). Plus, everyone’s voices were getting excited.

Then all of a sudden…bop, relief of pressure, and… flop. The sound of my baby crying and then he was on my chest. 

My baby!

Danner Cayson Fish

Born November 29, 2013 at 2:16 AM

7 lb 0 oz, 21 ½ in

The feeling was indescribable. I hadn’t made up my mind on that push to get him out so I was surprised! And in awe and wonder. I was reclined (at some point I went to my back) and so I kept trying to look at him better. I was making noises, my mom called it cooing. Mmm… mmm… I just couldn’t believe that this was my baby, that he was out, that I did it, that he was mine. It was a feeling of contentment. No that is too mundane a word. It felt right. Complete. I don't think there is a word in English to describe the feeling! Moms you know what I mean. I could have lived in that moment forever. A moment when everything was perfect and right. Time just stopped. It was a piece of Heaven, safety, love, eternity... True, real happiness! A feeling I felt getting married to Cohan in the temple. 
So, feeling all this, I just kept making happy noises, and the only other thing I could get out was, “he’s so beautiful, he’s so beautiful...”. 

I was so grateful for this special moment with him on my chest. They asked Cohan if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord, he did. It took a few snips, way to go Dad! Danner found his thumb pretty quick, which is funny cause he doesn’t suck on it now. And I remember he made this cute really loud sucking noise. The nurses were surprised it came out of him. I also remember he made the first of my all time favorite sounds he makes, he sneezes and then does this exhale that is so stinkin adorable, like he saying “awwwww”. 

They whisk Danner away to be weighed and such but then he was back to my chest as they stitched me up. I am so grateful for that. 

As you can see in the picture, I am closing my eyes, using my hypnosis to peace away the uncomfortable-ness of getting stitched up. This was honestly the worst part of the whole experience! Hilarious right? It’s cause everything else that I felt throughout my birthing time was apart of the miracle of bringing my baby into the world. Getting stitched up was just a surgery, just needles (of course they used a local, but it’s still not comfortable).

And so was giving birth painful? I cannot say yes! I told myself and trained myself so much before that it wasn’t going to be painful that this is exactly what happened. I definitely felt everything. I felt pressure and stretching, overwhelming pressure, and discomfort yes, in those moments before getting out of the birthing pool (which I believe was transition). But I can’t call it painful, because that is so negative! What happened was beautiful and wonderful and I am so amazed and grateful that the Lord let me experience it the way I did.  Part of me was disappointed at times that I didn’t get in a good hypno-groove sooner, and that I felt like I could have done better if I had. But you know what, what happened was perfect. Because of the timing, my entire family was apart of Danner’s birthing in such a unique and special way. They were physically there to support me, my mom was there for the whole thing (opposed to driving 3 hours once she got the news), I received an incredible blessing, and they all got to meet Danner on the day he was born! Plus, Cohan's brother Durant was still home from UVU for the break and got to meet his very first nephew! (making him an uncle). The Lord’s plan is perfect.

         I am truly thankful that the Lord led me to the Hypnobabies program, and allowed it to work in my body. I am beyond overjoyed to have a safe and healthy baby.  I continue to be amazed at our bodies. Heavenly Father has given us the gift to create bodies for his spirit children. The miracle of birth is truly that. It is the greatest miracle that I was so blessed and honored and humbled to be apart of. I know that women are given the responsibility and blessing to carry and bare children. It is our strength. A strength that comes only when we rely on Jesus Christ. This incredible journey has taught me to have faith and hope in the future, and that no matter what happens, the Lord is always there. His hand is always in our lives. We must do our part to have faith, act, and He will guide us and lift us.

First Grandbaby for the Fishes! #11 for the Dances!

"We are a family of three," Cohan said to me. The reality hit and I cried. Such a dream come true. I love my family. 

Links you might like:

*To learn more about how hypnosis and childbirth, This page is a good start, click here.

* Check out all Hypnobabies has to offer. Their products include: the Home Study Course (that's what I did! amazing!), individual MP3 tracks, and Hypno-doula training products, To order or learn more, click here.

*If you want to venture through their wonderful website on your own here is the Hypnobabies homepage:
https://www.hypnobabies.com/

*If you're interested in a waterbirth, Waterbirth International has a good FAQ page,  Click here.